I never know how to begin a blog, but thought it would be fun to share the story of our new journey.
Summer was almost over, so Chris and I decided to visit family in Tennessee. We loved every minute of quality time with the Robinson and Miller families, spent time enjoying the beautiful outdoors of the TN mountains, and Chris was blessed to preach at his home church.
When we got back to Fort Worth, I had a hunch I was pregnant, so Chris decided to get a pregnancy test. For those of you who know us well, everything in our house tends to be hilarious in some way. You see, the test was a little unclear. A positive showed two solid lines straight up and down, but a negative only showed one on the right-hand side. I took the test and it showed one solid line on the left with a tiny hint of line on the right. I turned to Chris..."what does that mean?" As a result of wanting to be certain, Chris volunteered to take the second test...we waited....waited more...and then a solid line on the right showed up telling us Chris was definitely NOT pregnant, haha! Yes, the excitement was overwhelming, we were having a baby.
The first few weeks were great and I felt wonderful, but week 8 hit and I felt like I'd been run over with a truck. Morning sickness was an understatement. For about two weeks the bathroom and I became great friends, all the while Chris was amazing as he cared for me and came running each time to make sure I was ok. You know you have a great man when he stands by your side rubbing your back while your puking out your guts!! The sickness was bad, but what made it difficult was the lack of excitement I felt because I felt so bad. The doubts of whether I could raise a child as God would have me. Slowly, but surely I began to find an eating routine consisting of saltines, bagels, sourdough bread and gatorade that seemed to ease the nausea.
Week 10, Dad and Mom came out for a visit and we decided to go camping. This was my first real outing other than work in a few weeks, for which I was extremely thankful. However, another surprise came my way. The day we were leaving for camp, I was called into my boss' office and told my full-time position was being terminated. I cried lots of tears and processed through many emotions, feeling like everything I had planned was ruined, wondering how we could make it through the next year of a new baby and Chris trying to finish school. The what if scenarios circled constantly in my mind.
The weekend away came at the perfect time, allowing me some time to process and pray. I wondered why all the doubts, sickness, and job stuff came at the same time. I needed perspective, and I needed it desperately!!
God amazes me most in the fact that His Word is always revealed to us at the perfect time. I've been doing a Bible study with one of my girls and we started the book of James the week after this all happened. James begins..."Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." WOW, I have read this verse so many times before, but in the midst of my current trials, God provided a new perspective. These trials did not come to ruin my plan or to cause doubts, but to grow my faith so that I can be mature in Christ, lacking nothing...nothing. God cares so much about me and my relationship with Him, that He wants me to have an even deeper faith in Him than I have now. God, who knew I would lose my job position, entrusted to us a baby to raise to follow Christ. He knew I would be sick and have doubts, but He is the One who will strength me, the One who will give me the wisdom I need to be a mother, all I have to do is ask! This is the God I serve, the God I love and truthfully, I am sooooo excited to share this journey with our child one day, to worship God and remember His faithfulness.
I am now in week 12 and so excited because the sickness is gone and I actually have real food cravings!! I have started a part-time position at LifeWay and will continue to pray for wisdom regarding future job decisions. Most of all, however, I am thankful for the perspective God has given me and excited to grow and nurture our child, and teach our child about a loving God who cared, even while he/she was in the womb.
