The past few years I’ve begun to see a trend in social media concerning the amount of time it takes to train a child to (fill in the blank). Individuals and companies are frequently introducing new ways to lessen the time it takes to potty train, to tie shoes, to read, or to…the list goes on and on. While some of these ideas are legit, and seem to work for a few individuals, there are countless other individuals for whom these “new concepts” only bring about stress or feelings of failure.
For example, when we began to potty train our 2 year old, I was given a ton of advice about how to make it the best possible experience that would have her using the potty within a week (or even a day) without accidents. I truly am thankful for the advice, however, as we began the process, I learned a few lessons along the way.
First, just because it worked for someone else does not mean it will work for you (or your child). This is one of the blessings of being unique in the way we were created. I quickly discovered that my little girl needed time. She needed to learn to do it on her own, and she wasn’t necessarily going to respond well to the typical positive or negative reinforcement. She has a unique mind that needed a potty training process that was unique to her. Yes, we used a few of the techniques recommended, but ultimately it took us 6 months to potty train her fully.
Second, just because my little one took longer than the book, or society said was necessary, it did not make me a failure as a parent. There were many days of frustration and feeling like a failure because of another accident or rebellion to even sit on the potty (yes i made her some days, even while she screamed at me). And I remember going to bed at night wondering if the days of diapers and pull ups would ever end. I remember dreading all the clean up that would come the next day and being jealous of the moms with miracle children that learned in a day. But the truth was, for us, the process needed to be different and in the long run, it didn’t matter how fast, it mattered that she learned. The timing expectations that I had placed on her were not only unrealistic, they were unnecessary. And rather than give up, I began to pray, I let go of other’s expectations and opinions, and I committed to walk my child through the process because THAT is what makes me successful as a mom.
Lastly, I learned that what my child needs most is a compassionate, consistent, caring mother who will endure the difficult moments of parenthood in order to help her grow into the woman God created her to be. I learned that this means different things on different days. Some days it requires that a 2 minute timeout takes 30 minutes to implement because she needs to learn to respect and obey. Sometimes it means rejoicing in the small victories in the process of achieving complete accomplishment. Sometimes it means refusing to compare her to other children whether she achieves more or less than them. And other days it means giving her extra grace because that is what the Lord has given me.
It’s funny to look back now that my daughter has pretty much mastered potty training. I really did think the days of cleaning it all up would never end. The reality is, I have left that phase thankful for grace in the mistakes I made, but more thankful for the privilege of teaching her to overcome a small mountain on the journey of becoming who she was created to be.
So my encouragement to moms out there…enjoy the moments of motherhood. The good, the bad, and the ugly and commit to be a mom of compassion, consistency, and caring because your going to need it and so is your child. When society or social media tells you to teach your child in a day or five minutes…rather than feel like a failure when it doesn’t happen, be thankful for the time that signifies how carefully and wonderfully made your child is. Slow down and enjoy the process of teaching your child…it’s an incredible privilege!
